Best Stunt

Aventura Police say a handcuffed suspect, Daniel De Jesus Cespedes arrested at the Aventura Mall, tried to escape but injured himself critically instead. According to a police report, the arresting officer was filling out paperwork and waiting for a car from a second floor exit ramp to avoid drawing a crowd of spectators. When a gust of wind blew some papers toward a ledge in the garage, the officer attempted to grab the papers and De Jesus Cespedes took off. His desperate attempt to escape included a leap from a parking garage wall onto a moving construction truck below. The 19 year-old alleged child molester failed miserably at his escape attempt almost killing himself when he missed the truck slamming into the pavement 2 stories below. According to police, De Jesus Cespedes was wanted on a charge of lewd and lascivious battery on a minor.

Police also allege that while in custody at the Aventura Mall, he confessed to possessing marijuana and cocaine.

Dozens of shoppers witnessed the Friday night spectacle at the busy shopping complex.
The 19 year old remains at Jackson Memorial Hospital where he was air-lifted to that night in critical condition.

Best Live ACTION Short

A long-time University of Miami Law School professor who teaches criminal procedure and constitutional law was been charged with soliciting an undercover officer for sex following an August arrest in his 2004 Mercedes-Benz.

D. Marvin Jones was arrested on Aug. 22 in Miami's Little River neighborhood. The 56 year-old propositioning professor was at the intersection of NW 79th Street and 1st Court when according to a police report, he approached an officer posing as a hooker and offered a mere $20 for sex.


Jones has been teaching at the university for almost 20 years. The published author of Race, Sex, and Suspicion: The Myth of the Black Male has been on leave since the beginning of the fall semester. School officials are aware of the arrest but there have been no actions.

According to courts records, Jones requested a trial when he pleaded not guilty to the solicitation charge last month. The solicitation charge is a second-degree misdemeanor. If convicted, Jones could be hit with up to 60 days in jail.

Honorable Mention

Coral Gables police arrested and charged the father of an 8 year-old little boy with aggravated child abuse after the school called officials.

According to school officials, the 8 year-old went to the nurse complaining that it hurt to sit. Upon examining him, they discovered bruises on his buttocks and upper thighs. When questioned, the little boy admitted his father had hit him with a belt.

When the Department of Children and Families questioned the 30 year-old father, he admitted he had hit his son with a belt. He hit him as punishment for bad grades.

...

A judge released Loscar Rodriguez on pre-trial release because the judge felt the man was just disciplining his child.

The judge citing that Rodriguez had not hit his son with “the buckle or a baseball bat which cause injury,” also stated “a belt is supposed to leave a mark.”

Apparently BRUISES are not the types of ‘marks’ left on someone ‘injured.’

30 year-old Rodriguez, a bartender at Oxygen nightclub in the Grove, cannot have any contact with his son until further notice.

Well that’s good because according to the judge “spanking never hurt anyone.” Or at least that’s what he thinks Rodriguez did: spank.

As a parent, I’m all for spanking a child. In my eyes, it really just boils down to association. If you’re not going to listen, then you’re going to get spanked. Sooner or later, like Pavlov’s dogs, the child will learn to listen even if he does so simply to avoid being spanked.

And to spank him over grades? To his credit, at least it was for something positive. I think his actions, while well intended, clearly went over the line.

That said, as a child that was disciplined, I don’t think I was abused. The difference between when I was disciplined and what this guy did is as simple as black and white, well black and blue anyway. My parents never hit me so hard that they hurt me left bruises!

damned semantics...

All joking aside, there's a really fine line here and I could potentially argue either side.

Where's the mom?

Best Villain

ANOTHER SCARY REMINDER WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS WRAP IT UP!

You can get comped at the door, get free drinks at the bar and apparently even go home with a deadly sexually transmitted disease!

Former club promoter- a popular club promoter that is, Elidor Kersaint, is HIV positive and knowingly spread the disease to his sex partners.

Investigators say they were contacted by a woman following a March incident. According to a police report, the 22 year-old promoter brought home an unsuspecting female victim. The victim reported that after one of Kersaint’s promoted evenings, the pair had unprotected sex at least twice.

He didn’t bother telling her that he was infected with H.I.V., well, at least not before the ‘act.’ Kersaint reportedly advised the woman of his status after having had relations with her.

Kersaint was reportedly a promoter at Mansion, Prive, Opium, Pearl and Nikki Beach however representatives of the Opium group have been quoted as saying they “can unequivocally confirm that this individual is not an employee of the Opium group” but have been associated with previous third party vendors.

The guy has a few pages on the social networking site MySpace. His MySpace pages feature collages of Belvedere Vodka bottles, big name hip-hoppers, bling and a slew of women allowing Kersaint to insert his tongue in their mouths.

Fearing there may be other unsuspecting victims out there, Miami Beach police are looking for women who may have had unprotected sex with Kersaint. These women who may be unaware that they are infected are being urged to seek medical attention and follow by contacting police.

"It's a felony, but for the victim it's a lifelong sentence so it's obviously more severe for the victims in those cases," said Miami Beach Seargent Bobby Hernandez..


So Miami Beach PD are looking for this guy’s other potential victims?

Why is this the first time that anyone has heard of this? The guy was arrested in JUNE!!

Maybe they should start by looking for the women on his page....just a thought.

They should cut his penis off and make him watch porn all day.

Best Live Action Short Film

A 21 year old woman was arrested in Pembroke Pines yesterday and charged with grand theft. Police say that Shyvonne Weis became angered when an attempted ATM withdrawal attempt revealed her account was overdrawn.

Weis then entered the branch located on 89th Street and Pines Blvd. A slew of witnesses say she stormed into the lobby, cut the line, walked up to a teller and handed her a note demanding money.

The teller, frightened from an apparent robbery attempt, panicked and hit the bank alarm.

Minutes later, hoards of police swarmed the bank and took Weis into custody.

While initial reports were unclear as to whether bank employees were dealing with an irate patron or a robber, police none-the-less charged Weis with grand theft and gave her a free ride to jail!

What a moron! The FBI came out. And all those other people had to sit through her temper tantrum.

If I had to be detained for hours because of some jerk-off’s attitude, I’d be pretty ticked…

Have a little patience woman! I mean really, this all came about because you were pissed that you had no $$$.

Please tell me where you’re going to get the $$$ for your bail?

Best Ensemble

14 people have been charged with defrauding the state out of more than $4 MILLION buckaroos. The arrests, stemming from a recent food stamp fraud investigation in SoFla, all came from one establishment!

Mohamed Issa, Jahad and Naser Hassan, along with 11 of their former employees were busted by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement in a sting appropriately named Cash & Carry.

Supposedly, Issa and the two Hassans charged the state twice the amount on all food stamp purchases. If a client came in and purchased $40 worth of products, supermarket owners Issa, Hassan & Hassan would actually charge $80. Then, store employees and unscrupulous recipients would then split the cash-anything from $40 to $200.00.



WTF? How come it took $4 million to catch these guys? ANd how come the recipients weren't also charged?

Friendly Duo Take Home Top Honors for Lead and Supportive Roles

Public officials gone sour is commonplace in SoFla news but these two made me laugh.

I love a good laugh plus it's the second City of Miami Beach employee busted this week on drug related charges. Given the nature of my real job, of course I would know this.

While arresting another man last Thursday night, police observed Tariq Juliani with tell-tale white powder caked under his nose.

Gee. Miami Beach + White Powder. What could it be?

The 32 yr old Miami Beach lifeguard was also charged with possession of marijuana. The arrest report lists ‘straws’ with which to snort the cocaine among items found in the apartment.

In an unrelated incident, Miami Beach police were arresting one man when another man approached them. Lawrence Randall was shouting and shirtless. Maybe the cops were intimidated by the 37 yr old Personal Trainer’s body, IDK, but in any case, he was arrested for disorderly conduct.

When the ever-so-courteous Miami Beach fuzz walked Randall back to his abode, a powder-faced Juliana stepped out of the john. (’Dude, you are such a buzzkill!’)

Think it ended there?

Juliani dashed back in the bathroom. Locked the door and began flushing the toilet.

Here again, what could it be? And really, HELLO? Was there no mirror in the bathroom?

The police report listed ‘clear baggies’ as having been observed floating in the toilet water along with other drugs. You know what really sucks for Juliani, his pal Randall gave police permission to enter the apartment. Someone's going to the pokey...

And if you questioned it, the former Miami-Dade County Parks and Recreation lifeguard, hired by the City of Miami Beach as a temporary ocean rescue lifeguard, is getting canned.

While I dig the ‘everyone deserves a second chance’ attitude, I think he should be held to a higher standard. I mean heck, what about the beach goers? You know, those people that City of Miami Beach lifeguards keep running over?

My grandmother has this Cuban saying “Dime con quien andes y te dire quien eres.”
Translation: you are who you associate with ....

This story is a prime example of why some people shouldn’t take drugs; why you are a dumbass by default if your friends are; why some people shouldn’t be allowed access to open doors; why you should be more conscious of who your neighbors are.

My only comment on Tariq's mugshot: buy some Visine guy.